It's Still Cloudy

I am in a coffee shop, I just order a coffee on cashier and pay it directly, and then I looking for a seat, seeing around, just a group of young boys with a high school uniform, sat on wooden chair around the table, and near entrance, there’s a girl with pink hijab sat alone, look like waiting for someone, she watched on her smartphone and then watching outside, drink her americano ice using the straw. I walked to her, but actually not for sit with her, I just want go outside. It is a cloudy day, but I think it wouldn’t be rain, its better when I sit in front of coffee shop, watching on the street, let the wind blow my face and mind, bellow a big umbrella—I don’t know the name, I just call it big umbrella.

There is no one outside.

So, I think it’s good for me, I look to ceiling in top of my head, I mean umbrella, I sit down on wooden teak chair, look like made from root of teak by local craftsman. I put my bag on the table—made from teak wood too. I draw out my laptop, then turn on. I think it’s a normal, a young man sat down alone in front of coffee shop in cloudy day, but, many coffee shop visitor watching on me like said, “the odd boy, what are you doing there?”

After couple of minutes my coffee is coming, the girl—I call it girl and not waiter or barista—put it down on my table, smiling, and I said thanks to her, she is smiling again. I know she is, I know her name, she is Nawaa—I know this is strange name, I know her name from her friend who called her, I never talk with her, that we are talking just like say a word or two and smile, I like when a smile curved on his face, a sweetie smile on beautiful face, with splendid black eyes, I like when she walk away from me, cause I can watching on her back freely—but I hate it too.

Sometime I imagine have a chat with her, spent my time just with her, but I think she is very busy, many visitor come to this coffee shop every single day, but I think not about this day, I think it’s a good time to talk with her, but, I have no idea what I want talking about with her, yeah, I mean, I just want to talk with her, but I don’t know what for, may I just want to have acquaintance with her… but not now, I don’t want to disturb her.

As usual, I connect my laptop to Wi-Fi, I go to Google, and then type a tittle of a movie, yeah you are right, I want to download a movie, piracy movie, I think it’s normal in here—the place where is no cinema. While waiting for download, I just draw out a book from my bag, a Murakami’s work, 1Q84, I bought this paperback with discount price from online book store, Periplus. I always bought books from online store, because here is no national book shop like Gramedia, just a little book shop who always late on update the stock of newest book.

I open on a marked page, put the bookmark on table, then I glance on a high school boy who glance on me too, he walk alone, I think he is a friend of school boys where I just saw inside the coffee shop. I have no idea, they always watching on a boy like me just like that. Here, you can’t read novel as usual—freely like in your own town, they always look on you like said. “you are not cool.” Yes I am, but I think I have different thought about cool.

I continue, I read  a chapter when Tengo with Fuka-Eri talking about Fuka-Eri’s work, I just imagine about Fuka-Eri, a beautiful girl who can’t read or write properly cause dyslexia, sometime I imagine I have dyslexia too, you know, lot of figure of the world have dyslexia too, for instance, Agatha Christhe, Albert Einstein, Percy Jackson, and so on. After several minutes I feel I have to drink my coffee, I drink my coffee directly from the cup, it’s hot on my lips, but I like it, I like the smell, I like taste of black coffee, bitter, sweet, just like  love.

I continue to read novel, but I hear a sound from my laptop, the battery is empty, I have to charge it, I check on my bag, make sure I brought a charger, and I think I have to get a plugs for it, I can find it inside. I walk with bag on my shoulder, I bring my laptop and novel use my left hand, about my coffee and I can’t bring it, I left it, and come back after I get a table near a plugs.

Stood on the threshold, I look around, I see a group school boys, a pink hijab still alone type on her smartphone with her americano now getting empty, a couple of lover, a group of girls take a photo with the wall of coffee shop as background, and so on, and so on. But I can’t find a seat near a plugs, every couple of eyes seeing on me, I sigh, and then just go outside, and sat on my seat again. Alone in front of coffee shop, with dead fucking laptop, and just read a book, I believe they will seeing on me more strangely.

But I don’t care about that, I just read, but I can’t focus with it, I just think about a lover that I saw inside, a girl and a boy, the girl hold a DSLR camera, looking down to DSLR—just looking, and the boy stood in front of her and took the photo of her with his smartphone camera, I have no idea about it, but it’s disturb my mind, what the use of DSLR? I ask inwardly.

Then abruptly I think about the girl who brought the coffee for me, I don’t know why.

I smile.

Never mind about that, I have to continue read the book, I drink my coffee directly from the cup—I think coffee can return my focus, I drink it all, and continue to reading, I can focus. And I just read this novel. After some chapter I think I must go home, I close the book, put it back to the bag, and then stand up, walked, and looking to the sky, it’s still cloudy, just like my heart.

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